Seven Lost Souls
by bahamutsky
Summary: Back and Better than ever! Chapter 6! Tidus Yuna and the gang die! But who goes to heaven who goes to hell or who wasn't even supposed to die? Five Lost Souls Remain! Villain Revealed!
1. The Wedding The Honeymoon and The Death

Final Fantasy X-3: Seven Lost Souls  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters and neither do you?  
  
SUMMARY: This is a Comedy-Drama rated PG-13.  
  
Chapter One: The Wedding, The Honeymoon, and The Death  
  
Priest: Welcome everyone, to Lady Yuna's wedding! I am honored to be her priest!  
  
Rikku, Paine, and Lulu watch from the Yuna's dressing room  
  
Rikku: Good luck!  
  
Yuna: Oh, I hope so...  
  
Yuna trips on her high heel  
  
Lulu: Clumsy...  
  
Kimarhi and Wakka walk in. Rikku slaps them  
  
Rikku: This is a lady's dressing room!  
  
Kimarhi and Wakka rub their cheeks  
  
Kimarhi: Kimarhi feel pain!  
  
Paine slaps Kimarhi  
  
Kimarhi: Kimarhi not say Paine, Kimarhi say pain!  
  
Paine: Sorry...  
  
Audience: Here comes the bride! All fat and wide!  
  
Yuna: Hey! Wahahahaha!  
  
Yuna walks up to Tidus  
  
Priest: blah...blah...blah...blah...blah...blah...blah...blah...You may now kiss the bride!  
  
Yuna and Tidus have tongue action  
  
Audience: Ewww!!!  
  
Everyone walks out  
  
Tidus: We can go to my Zanarkand for our honeymoon!  
  
Rikku: No! ^#(@ you!  
  
Tidus takes it literally 0_o  
  
Wakka: Let's go ya?  
  
They go to Kilika  
  
Rikku: Ahh, I love the sun! Happy Honeymooning!  
  
Tidus takes it literally and moons a bee and has a whelp on his left butt cheek  
  
Lulu: Ahh! Fiends!  
  
A fiend rides Lulu's leg  
  
Tidus: Oh no!  
  
They go to the fiends  
  
Rikku: Gas?  
  
Suddenly, the woods explode  
  
All: ...  
  
Tidus: This is disaster!  
  
Yuna: I feel very faint!  
  
Kimarhi: Kimarhi feel blue  
  
Wakka: You are blue, ya?  
  
Lulu: Guys, where are we?  
  
Rikku: Todo, we're not in Kilika anymore!  
  
Paine: It comes!  
  
An old man appears  
  
Old Geezer: Welcome to Purgatory!  
  
All: Oh no! We've gone hell!  
  
Old Geezer: I am Achius. You are in Purgatory, not hell!  
  
All: Oh...  
  
Achius: I see seven of you. 5 are to go to heaven, 1 is to go to hell, and one is to return to Spira, as only six of you were supposed to die!  
  
All: Who is it, then?  
  
Achius: Well, I don't know... I am very very old indeed! You must discover yourselves!  
  
Achius disappears  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Whoa! What a cliffhanger! Next Time, Auron's opinion! Please read and review! 


	2. Auron's Opinion

FFX-3 Seven Lost Souls  
  
DISCLAIMER: I own the following of the Seven main characters:  
  
Ch 2: Auron's Opinion  
  
The gang explores the Purgatory  
  
Rikku: Shiznits! This place is so... empty  
  


* * *

  
Wakka: Ya, I know!  
  
Lulu: I've got an idea! Let's hear Auron's opinion!  
  
Paine: Who?  
  
They search for Auron and they find him ready to go to heaven  
  
Yuna: Sir Auron!  
  
Auron: Yuna?! You  
  


* * *

  
Tidus: We want to know who goes where!  
  
Auron: Hmm...farts Dangit! I had a Bean burrito, green chili enchiladas, and a chimichanga! Farts maniacally  
  
Kimarhi: How does Kimarhi find out?  
  
Selphie: Booyaka!  
  
Lulu: Hey! Wrong game b&  
  


* * *

  
Selphie: Sorry!  
  
Auron: My honest opinion is to search your past!  
  
Lulu: Got it!  
  
Kimarhi: Kimarhi knows what to do!  
  
Tidus: We'll see who goes where!  
  
Yuna: We'll find out!  
  
Wakka: This is the only way, ya?  
  
Rikku: The best way, too!  
  
Paine: We'll find out it all!  
  
Auron: Good!  
  
Yuna: We will not- drops staff on toe –my toe!  
  
Wakka: Ha, ya?  
  
Tidus: Shut up, Red!  
  
Wakka: Hey! Who you calling Red, you son of a shoopuf!  
  
Auron: Just take my f^%)(*! advice!  
  
Lulu: Let's go!  
  
Kimarhi: Wait! Kimarhi knows answers! Kimarhi help orphan Ronso. Kimarhi help Yuna beat Sin! Kimarhi go to heaven!  
  
Achius: Correct, Kimarhi! Now, bid thy friends farewell and you shall go to heaven!  
  
Kimarhi: Yuna, accept my gift! It is a Ronso flute. Yuna use it well. Goodbye to Yuna and guardians. Never forget Kimarhi!  
  
All: Bye!  
  
A/N: Whoa! 1 down, 4 to go! Next time: Kimarhi Lingers On In Our Prayers! See ya! 


	3. Kimarhi Lingers on In Our Prayers

Chapter 3: Kimarhi Lingers on In Our Prayers  
  
DISCLAIMER: I own only 1 character: Achius!  
  
The party sits down in some empty spot watching Auron's judgment  
  
Achius: For being ugly old stupid and dumb, I sentence you an eternity in hell!  
  
Auron: Yayzz!  
  
Auron farts maniacally as he enters The Gates of Hell  
  
Yuna: ...sigh...  
  
Tidus: You miss Kim, huh?  
  
Yuna drops a tear  
  
Yuna: He was my first guardian!  
  
BGM: Ronso theme  
  
Tidus: I first crossed Kim when I was in Besaid. He attacked me and Wakka broke up the fight. He never spoke to me until after Operation: Mi'ihen. He told me to smile. We'll all miss that Ronso.  
  
Yuna: I met Kim in Bevelle when I was 7. He said 'Are you Yuna, daughter of Braska?' I said 'Yes' and he said 'Kimarhi protect Yuna. Kimarhi take Yuna to small village on small island'. Kimarhi tought me a lot!  
  
Wakka: I was 13 when he came. When I saw Yuna, I thought he was taking kids and eating them! Well, He, Lu, and I guarded her 'til her pilgrimage to Zanarkand ended. Kimarhi was a strong and helpful friend!  
  
Lulu: I saw him same time as Wakka. I remember like it was yesterday! Bye, Kim!  
  
Rikku: I met him when I was unconscious at the Moonflow! Kim was Yunie's friend before any of you were! Yunie... it's ok! Kimarhi was your great friend! We are all dead here! You have about a 66% chance of seeing him again! That's a good percentage! We all have the same percentage!  
  
Paine: You all done?  
  
Rikku: Don't you have anything to say, Paine? It's obvious you are the one going to hell!  
  
Paine: I never knew Kimarhi, ok?  
  
Yuna: Enough please!  
  
Yuna looks at the Ronso flute  
  
Yuna: Goodbye, Kim  
  
Yuna plays Suteki Da Ne  
  
Yuna: I've done it! I have become a summoner!  
  
Yuna collapses and Kimarhi grabs her  
  
Kimarhi: Yuna wants everyone to smile!  
  
Tidus: Ok! Come on and smile!  
  
Kimarhi forces a smile  
  
Yenke: Hornless! Hornless!  
  
Biran: Weak little Kimarhi, beat us?  
  
Kimarhi: Then Kimarhi must prove Kimarhi's strength!  
  
Seymour: Allow me to say something to the last Ronso before I leave! They threw themselves at me! One after another! Gyahah!  
  
Kimarhi: No...  
  
Kimarhi: Please Yuna, stop Garik!  
  
Yuna: I will...  
  
Kimarhi: Please accept this gift! Goodbye Yuna and guardians!  
  
Tidus: Good  
  
Paine: Bye  
  
Lulu: Kim  
  
Wakka: Ar  
  
Rikku: Hi  
  
Yuna: Goodbye  
  
Yuna sings 1000 Words  
  
A/N: Goodbye, Kimarhi! Actually, the first serious chapter! Next time, Breakout from Hell! See You Soon! 


	4. Breakout From Hell

Chapter 4: Breakout from Hell  
  
Rikku, Wakka, and Paine go for a stroll to the Purgatory Cafeteria  
  
Rikku: sigh- I'll have the macaroni and cheese  
  
Wakka: I'll have the enchiladas, ya?  
  
People eating: NO!  
  
Wakka: Aww! Why not, ya?  
  
People eating: That astro NOT looking guy bought some and killed most of us!  
  
Paine: You're already dead!  
  
People eating: EXACTLY!  
  
Rikku: Aieeeeeee!  
  
Auron: WHAT!??  
  
Auron, Seymour, Mika, Kinoc, Fred Flintstone (MUAHAHAHA!), Dr. Evil, My Mommy, and the Devil emerge from the gates of hell!  
  
All: Aiee!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Tidus: Yuna doll! One more match!  
  
Tidus, Yuna, and Lulu set Purgatory residences to fire!  
  
Yuna: This is fun!  
  
Rap BGM plays  
  
Yuna: TIDUS!!! (whispering) I smell pot!  
  
They find pot stashed in a residence and smoke it!  
  
Lulu: Ah, the life!  
  
In the cafeteria...  
  
Rikku: Cosmo, Wanda, I wish they would go back to Hell!  
  
Director: Cut! Tara, you are NOT on the Fairly Oddparents Set! You are rehearsing for the Seven Lost Souls Set!  
  
Rikku: Sorry... All this acting makes me wanna gag! I've got too many roles to play these days!  
  
Director: Sorry Tara... it's just... Gwennie, can you get me a danish?  
  
Paine: Yes, sir!  
  
Director: Let's get back to the %#^@( residence!  
  
At the residence, TYL are... well... stoned  
  
At the cafeteria...  
  
Paine: Here's your danish, cap!  
  
Director: And ACTION!  
  
Rikku: Doggy, doggy!  
  
Director: Grr...  
  
Rikku: Let's go Powerpuffs!  
  
Director: God dang it, Tara! You are playing your Rikku role! Not Timmy Turner! Not Bubbles! Not Dil Pickles! R-I-K-K-U!  
  
Rikku: Ok, Mr. Sir!  
  
Director: ACT-I-ONE!!!  
  
Rikku: Grenade!  
  
TV: Now back to Young and the Restless on CBS!  
  
Rikku: Young... and... the Restless... Young and the Restless! YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS!!! YOU MADE MY MISS HALF OF YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS! GOD DANG IT! WHAT DOES A FORMER CHANDEROFF HAVE TO DO AROUND THIS JOINT! GOD! WHAT? HUMP FREDDY THE CAMERA GUY?  
  
Freddy: God dang it, Tara! They weren't supposed to know my name!  
  
Director: Ok, now James, Hedy, Tara, Gwennie, Paula, John- front and center! Will you act normal! You six are the main characters! Ok, time out! Now I have to right another stupid chapter! Goddammit!  
  
A/N: Yikes! Oh well... next chapter is Flushed! 


	5. Flushed

Chapter 5: Flushed...  
  
DISCLAIMER: Thou shalt not steal!!! I hath not stolen Final Fantasy X/X-2 Characters!!! Nay shalt thou!!!  
  
Lulu went to the bathroom, still stoned.  
  
Lulu: I need a bath!  
  
She turned on the shower, which did not work! Then, she tried the sink, which was also not working. So, she used the toilet!  
  
Lulu: Ahh!!! That feels nice...  
  
Then, Yuna came in, also stoned. She didn't see Yuna and used the bathroom!  
  
Lulu: Bleeurgh!  
  
Yuna: Diarrhea...  
  
Lula: Hack! Hack!  
  
Plop!  
  
Yuna: Ewww... I got the runs! I hate enchiladas!  
  
Yuna squinted her eyes...  
  
On Spira...  
  
KA-BOOM!  
  
Many Spirans saw an explosion in the sky, from Purgatory  
  
Back in the ladies' room  
  
Yuna: Ugh... that was a deadly one!  
  
She got up and flushed Lulu!!!  
  
---  
  
Tidus and Wakka were watching another round of Judgment Days. A pack of hookers came in.  
  
Tidus: Oh S($!  
  
Wakka drooled.  
  
Acheus: I sentence you 42 hookers to Hell!  
  
Wakka: Dammit! Just when it really got good, ya?  
  
--  
  
Seymour found Lulu in the sewers.  
  
Lulu: Yes! I'm ready to go to Hell!!!  
  
Seymour: You have not been judged, yet!  
  
Lulu: Boy, life has- um... death has really turned around since i died!  
  
Seymour: So, it has, Lulu!  
  
Lulu: Yes, but still, I'm a little Gothic Mistress, first at everything!  
  
Lulu screamed.  
  
Lulu: First Gothic Mistress to go to heaven!  
  
Achius appeared.  
  
Achius: Very good, Lulu! Now, say goodbyes!  
  
Lulu: NO!!! Bye, Tidus! Bye, Sey! Bye, Wakka! Bye, Paine! Bye, Rikku!  
  
Achius: What about, Yuna?  
  
Lulu: $%# Yuna! She took a dump on me last night!  
  
Then, they disappeared.  
  
--  
  
A/N: Sorry 'bout that short chapter! But, I'm using WordPad, not Word so I can't check my word count! Well, Five left! Next Time, Sex With Her Titty! Bye!


	6. Sex With Her Titty

Chapter 6: Sex With Her Titty  
  
A/N: Ok, last 'mostly funny chapter' for the rest of the story! :( Humor fitting in along the line!) Heavens, Hells, and Survivor revealed! Villain introduced!  
  
--  
  
Tidus, Yuna, Rikku, Wakka, and Paine throw a banging party because Lulu was gone!  
  
Tidus: No more mean, bossy lady!  
  
Yuna: No more toilet-bathers!  
  
Wakka: No more wife!  
  
Rikku: No more Wakka's wife  
  
Paine: No more person I replaced in Final Fantasy X-2!  
  
--  
  
A young girl was pilotting an airship, blowing Luca, Besaid, Kilika- hell, all of Spira into ruins  
  
Girl: With Purgatory filling with souls, then Father will get what he wants- more servants!!!  
  
The girl looked into her cauldron, showing Satan himself  
  
Girl: Father, I have decimated Spira! Well, most of it!  
  
Satan: Abigail, do not fail me! Destroy Bevelle! MUA HA HA!  
  
Abigail: I shan't fail thee, Father!  
  
Satan: Hey, B&$!, talk modernly!  
  
--  
  
Tidus and Rikku went to Rikku's bedroom  
  
Rikku: Welcome to my humble abode!  
  
Tidus took a drag of his pot.  
  
Rikku opened her shirt. To the left was a big titty, and to the right was a miniature Rikku slut.  
  
Mini-Rikku: F$ ME!!!  
  
Tidus began to !$ the mini-Rikku. Mini-Rikku moaned. Rikku screamed.  
  
Wakka, Yuna, and Paine walked in to see Tidus screwing Rikku's big right booby!  
  
Tidus saw it was a tit. Tidus screamed.  
  
Tidus: It was a slutty midget Rikku! I swear!  
  
All: Sure!!! (sarcastically)  
  
Achius came in and screamed.  
  
Achius: Good news! I remember now! The following go to Heaven: Yuna, Paine, and Tidus! Hell: Wakka! Rikku was never supposed to be with you because she had a sphere mission and Yuna and Paine quit, so she had a mission and wanted to see her cousin get hitched, so Brother and Buddy and Shinra and Barkeep let her go, but she wasn't supposed to go! -pant pant- Time for your goodbyes!  
  
All: Bye!  
  
Yuna: I love you, Tidus!  
  
Tidus: I love you, Yuna and Rikku!  
  
The alarm sounded  
  
Achius: Purgatory is overflowing with souls!  
  
Abigail: HAHAHAHA!!!  
  
--  
  
A/N: Now, for the good part! Next time, Purgatory, Overflowed! Also, after Chapter 10, we will have a chapter dedicated to answering all of your questions! Please, e-mail me now at bahamutskyffyahoo.com 


End file.
